Real Love
John 15:9-17
Tony’s Overview Video
How to Use
Preparing to teach
- Read the Bible Lesson by Tony Cartledge in this month’s issue of the Nurturing Faith Journal
- Watch Tony’s Video for this session
- Select either the Adult or Youth teaching guide and follow the directions
Click to read the Bible Lesson by Tony Cartledge
Key Verse: John 15:12 –
This is my commandment,
that you love one another as I have loved you.
that you love one another as I have loved you.
Sometimes we speak of “friends in high places,” and there are times when it is nice to have them. A little extra pull from a well-placed friend can help us get a job, or a promotion, or a free ticket to the ball game. Sometimes we may feel a little bit of the honor and recognition given to such friends spilling over onto us, and it boosts our own sense of self-worth.
Love abides (vv. 9-11)
Our text for the day reminds us that we have a friend in the highest place of all, for Jesus said to his followers, “I have called you friends” (v. 15). [DD]
Can you imagine that? Jesus wants more from our relationship than lordship: he wants to think of us as friends. In Christ, we have a friend in the highest place of all, but life is not lived out on that high plane. We all, like country singer Garth Brooks, need friends in low places. We need friends in the same places we find ourselves. We need shining faces about us, with arms attached. We need someone to pat us on the back when we succeed, and to lift up our chin when we fail.
Some people may think they can go it alone, but Jesus knew that we need friends. We need friends when we face change. We need friends when we fail. We need friends when we grow. But as much as we need to have friends, we need to be a friend to others – including those who are in low places. Indeed, that’s when they need us most.
Jesus understood that. After all, he had chosen disciples who were rather nondescript, rough characters. Several were fishermen. One was a tax collector who worked for the Romans. Another was a revolutionary from Galilee. The disciples were not the crème de la crème of first century Palestine.
But that wasn’t all. Jesus spent time with lepers, willing to touch the untouchables. He had at least one female friend with a shady reputation, and he went to dinner parties with people who drank too much.
The religious leaders didn’t care for Jesus’ taste in friends, but his mission was not about pleasing the pious: he was looking for people who needed God’s love. “As the father has loved me, so I have loved you,” Jesus said to his disciples: “abide in my love” (v. 9).
The word “abide” is a clue that this passage is an extension of Jesus’ talk about the vine and the branches in vv. 1-8. He calls disciples to a mutual relationship that results in good fruit.
Love is both a component and a result of abiding in Christ, who said “If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love” (v. 10).
Keeping close to Christ, holding tight to his love, also produces the fruit of joy. Jesus went on to remark “I have said these things to you so that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be complete” (v. 11).
Has love ever brought you joy? Of course it has. When we’re in a low place, the loving care of another can lift us up. When we’re in a good place and extend a hand to someone in need, the experience brings joy to the both of us.
Love gives (vv. 12-14)
If the key to abiding in Christ is to keep his commandments, it would be helpful to know what those commandments are. Fortunately, Jesus did not keep the disciples in suspense: “This is my commandment,” he said: “that you love one another as I have loved you” (v. 12). Jesus was speaking of something far deeper than a mushy sentiment. “No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends,” he said (v. 13), and “You are my friends if you do what I command you” (v. 14).
Let’s get this straight: We become friends of Jesus by following his commands, and his main command is to love each other the way he loved us, and the measure of true love is the willingness to die for someone else? [DD]
That sounds a bit extreme. Still, isn’t that what sacrificial love is all about? The author has Jesus consistently use cognates of the word agapē, which was used in Christian circles to mean unselfish, self-sacrificing, Jesus-kind-of love. To love is to be willing to put the needs and wants of others before our own – becoming “other” centered rather than “me” centered.
A true friend is willing to give of himself or herself for another. It’s true that we can stretch that to an unhealthy point, because if we don’t give attention to our own well-being, we won’t be much good to ourselves or to anyone else. But we don’t need all of our time and energy to nurture ourselves. Others need part of us, too.
One way to tell real friends is to know that when we need them, we can call them, and they will be there. They don’t ask a lot of questions. They don’t put us off. They don’t put a guilt trip on us for causing them trouble. They are there not just because we need them, but because they want to be there. [DD]
Love doesn’t hold back (vv. 15-17)
To be a friend is to be honest and to be open, to be unafraid to let someone else know who we really are. It means that we don’t hold things back in order to preserve some kind of power over the other person.
Jesus said “I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father” (v. 15). Jesus modeled what it meant to share of himself with the disciples, even when they were not good at returning his love.
This verse is even more jarring when we realize that the word translated as “servants” normally meant “slaves.” Jesus doesn’t want to think of us as servants or slaves who are down on another level, left out of the loop: he wants us to be friends.
It is relatively easy to share our strengths with others, and to share the positive things that are taking place. It can be more difficult to share bad news, or to confess our weaknesses. On several occasions, Jesus told the disciples what would happen to him when they got to Jerusalem. They did not want to hear it or believe it. In the garden of Gethsemane, Jesus asked Peter, James, and John to come be with him as he prayed. He poured out his fears and his weakness, but they could not stay awake to hear his pain or to share his burdens.
When we are transparent with our friends, they know that we trust them. This leaves us vulnerable. Some people may not keep our trust. That is a part of the risk of friendship. Jesus himself was betrayed, perhaps in part because he was open enough to share himself and his plans with the disciples. We know of that possibility, and that is one reason it is hard for us to be true friends. It is hard to trust, but it is a risk worth taking.
Perhaps you have heard what is often described as an old Arab saying (I can’t find the original source) that goes like this: “A friend is one to whom we may pour out all the contents of our hearts, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.”
True friendships are mutual. Jesus reminded the disciples that he chose us first to be friends, friends who would go out and bear “fruit that will last” (v. 16). Sometimes we may take the initiative in building relationships. At other times, someone else takes the first step. It is especially gratifying – especially for shy people – to have someone else reach out first. That is what Jesus did for us. “We love him,” the author of 1 John says, “because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19).
Jesus loved us first, whether we love him in return or not: but friendship is a two-way street. Whether we want to be friends with God or with others, we must choose to reciprocate. True friendships are not one-sided or lop-sided, but mutual.
It is not always easy to love one another, even when we are friends. Maybe that is why the author has Jesus repeat himself. He had already said “This is my commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you” (v. 12). He went on to remind us that we express our friendship to him by obeying his commands (v. 14). Then, in v. 17 he closed the conversation with similar words: “I am giving you these commands so that you may love one another.”
Whether we think of friends in high places or low, real friendship works in both directions. We love one another, and in so doing we fulfill the command of Christ.
The result of such friendship, according to Jesus, is that our lives will be more abundant and fruitful. Knowing Jesus and loving as he loved will not only change our lives, but empower us to make a difference in others’ lives. When we practice more loving living, others are drawn to us like moths to a porch light. And when our love is based on Christ’s love, then others will be drawn to meet the One who has made all the difference in our lives.
It is mind-boggling to think of Jesus as our friend – a friend who reminds us that the great joy of life is found in discovering what it means to be friends together in the family of God, especially in the low places where life is lived. [DD]
Adult Teaching Resources
Download the PDF of teaching resources for this lesson.
This PDF contains the Teaching Guide, Digging Deeper, and Hardest Question pages.
Read Scripture online: John 15:9-17
Youth Teaching Resources
Parent Prep
How many times have you said, “If you would just follow my rules!”? If it makes you feel any better, Jesus said the same thing. It really would be easier if our students followed all of our rules that we put out there; our students would be safe and be kept out of trouble. But what would happen if our students only followed what we told them and never took the lead. Maybe our rules should loosen overtime to allow our students to do more leading instead of following. How many of our rules are restrictive instead of providing boundaries for our students to lead. Jesus did ask us to follow his rules, but he provided a caveat that allowed for boundaries to lead through: “love one another as I have loved you.”
Additional Links/Resources
Read Scripture online: John 15:9-17
Download the PDF for youth teaching resources using the button below. This PDF contains the Teaching Guide for this lesson:
Video
Encourage youth to check out this video ahead of the lesson.
“My First Friend” from Wonder
Via www.youtube.com
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